I took my daughter to the store earlier today because her sneakers are falling apart and she needed a new bra (she's growing up so fast!). While she was in the fitting room, I quickly grabbed two pairs of jeans in different sizes just because I was curious. The style of these jeans are the ones that are snug in the thighs and hang on the hips, rather than coming up all the way. I could *never* get them up over my thighs in the past. I always ended up hurt and feeling like only abnormally thin people could wear clothing like that. Anyway, I tried on the larger size, first. The larger size was two sizes smaller than jeans I work into the store (which require a belt to stay up). They fit(!) and I couldn't believe I could actually slide them up over my thighs. They completely came up over my butt and I was able to zip and button them without a problem. They were even a bit big. So, I figured I'd try the next size down. They fit, too(!) but were a little snug in the thighs. They weren't so tight that people would think or even notice, probably, since many people wear them like that. They just weren't anything I'd ever wear because I don't like tight clothing. 

Anyway, I couldn't believe it. I didn't buy them because I'm just not ready to wear new clothes. I like the comfort of my old ones and how I can still wear them and no one makes many comments. I'm just not comfortable with stuff like that, yet. As the days are going by, I'm getting more and more comfortable with the way my body is change. I like how when I look in the mirror after a shower I can see that things are going back to where they belong. My skin isn't sagging and everything seems to be responding to the natural way I'm eating. Yes, I like that my stomach is looking more "normal" these days. One day I even pulled up my shirt to show a friend how I could suck my belly in. I think it will just take time to get comfortable with this part of getting healthy--the whole body image part. 

Going raw isn't, for me, about looking "normal" or anything image-related. For me it is about being healthy, really and truly feeling alive and whole. I know that a healthy looking body will come with this as a bonus, but it's not the reason I am doing it. Maybe that's why its so easy for me to stick with it? In the past when I've tried to lose weight it was because I was sick of looking/being/feeling fat. This time I just wanted more out of life...I wanted to feel the way I should be feeling as a living, breathing, loving being. I felt on a deep level that raw foods was the way to go, the natural way to live, to attain true health. And, so far (knock on wood) it seems to be working. I'm still not bouncing off the walls with so much energy like many raw foodists claim will happen, but I am slowly gaining more and more energy and most of all a sense of being centered and present. 

What I find fascinating about this raw food adventure is that I am eating whatever raw foods I want, whenever I want, however much of them I want, and the weight continues to just naturally shed away. I have lost a little over 60 pounds, total, so far. Not all of it was lost from eating 100% raw. Probably half of it happened after I was diagnosed with PCOS/IR and I started to pay more attention to eating protein with high carb foods. It just amazes me, however, that I can eat all kinds of raw foods and continue to lose about one pound a week.