It's funny how raw things work. So, I was eating out of stress, trying to soothe myself in a way that I had been raised to see as something we just do.

Here's what I remember eating from yesterday:

banana

date

salad with nut pate (included all kinds of veggies, garlic, lemon, and parsley)

carob fudge

carob coconut shake

carob fudge

------------

Today this is what I've had:

banana

carob coconut shake

zucchini pasta with "alfredo" sauce

I ate a large shake and a large serving of the pasta and sauce. I am stuffed. And, here's where I learn something. Raw foods won't do for you what cooked foods used to do. They don't numb anything. All you are left with is a full stomach and a feeling that you've eaten more than your body actually wanted. It's probably the opiates in the cooked foods that cause the numbing (I always went for dairy and chocolate to self medicate myself). There are no opiates in the foods I've been eating, however. So, raw foods forces me to face things rather than to just push them aside until I am so distanced that I don't feel anything so strongly.

So, deal with it all, I must. I don't want to deal with it all, though. I want to take that recent ball that was thrown at me and whip it so hard into a deep pile of mud, so that it gets stuck and can't possibly come out and bother me as I pick up the other balls I am accustomed to and begin my juggling act again.